Even Shadowhunters fall in love
by katychan666
Summary: It is a night before Alec's and Lydia's wedding. Alec has some serious thinking to do about what kind of future he wants and, most importantly, with who he wants to spend it with.


It was a night before wedding and even though Alec and Lydia had a lot of preparations yet to do, the young Shadowhunter had locked himself in his own bedroom and was reluctant to go out. He needed time on his own, he needed to think about everything. At first he was sure that marriage was going to solve all of his families' problems and even though that was still true, he didn't even want to imagine his future as a married man. Lydia was a bright young woman, but as Magnus had said... that didn't mean that he would have to marry her.

And there was Magnus as well; Alec just couldn't pretend that he didn't feel anything for the Warlock, when it was obvious to him, and most of people around him as well, that he did feel something for the man. But still; was it enough to risk everything that he had… only for a Downworlder? Isabelle was right, he shouldn't have bottled his feelings down inside, it wasn't good for him. The life that he used to know was slowly crumbling in front of his eyes and even though he kept telling himself that his job was a Shadowhunter was to lead with his mind and now his heart, it just wasn't enough. He wanted to make his parents proud, to make their wishes come true like he always had… But as Magnus said it; what about him? He should live for himself and not others! A silent curse left Alec's mouth and he walked back to his bed, rubbing his palms together.

Magnus Bane… the only person that was able to make him feel anything besides his sister and Jace. It was true that Alec Lightwood wasn't fond of many people, but the Warlock wasn't one of them. What did he feel for him anyway? Friendship? Love? Alec had never experienced that kind of love before, with Jace including. Jace was able to make his heart beat faster, but that feeling only escalated when he would be with Magnus. The other male let him know quite obviously that he was interested in building a relationship with him that would run much deeper than a friendship, but Alec just wasn't sure what to think. Was Magnus even serious about him? The other one would party, laugh, and flirt with many people… so what made Alec special?

On the other hand, when he told Magnus that he proposed to Lydia, he could see hurt in other's eyes; there was no denying it. But was it really worth risking everything that he had in his life for a Warlock; a Downworlder? Alec felt guilty for thinking like that and he then let out a loud sigh; what was done was done. The wedding was already happening and there was no way that he could stop it; he would betray his parents and their trust in him.

God, it was so damn frustrating. Alec knew what his priorities should be, his family was important to him. He wanted to make his mother proud, that was what he tried to do since he was born. And while it was true that his mother loved him dearly, he never questioned her love, but lately it seemed like nothing he did was enough. She just wanted more and to be honest, Alec didn't know what to do that would please you.

He took the whiskey bottle that he had brought into his room and poured himself a full glass of it. Alec wasn't a man that drank on a lot of occasions, but when he did, he went all out. He wanted to get rid of the feelings for the time being, so he decided that having a few drinks would help him deal with the pain and his inner conflict. Alec took one big sip of his drink and a smile appeared on his face as the bitter liquid ran down his throat. His body, as well as his emotions, went numb only for a moment as he emptied the glass. After that, he poured himself another drink and after that… another.

An hour and a half later, the alcohol had already taken effect and Alec's head was feeling heavy, as did his feelings. He thought that he would be able to make it go away with drinking himself into a stupor, but he was wrong. If anything, the drinking only intensified his feelings and a frustrated moan left his lips. "What should I do?" he asked himself, the room spinning in front of his eyes when he got onto his legs and looked around, searching for his phone.

When he finally found it, he sat back down and closed his eyes; trying to imagine his future with Lydia. After the wedding, they would eventually have kids and both of them would probably be outstanding Shadowhunters. That kind of life didn't seem all that bad to Alec, which would make his mother proud… probably.

" _Maybe you should start living for yourself and do what's in your heart."_

Alec's eyes snapped open as he heard Magnus' words burning into his mind and he sighed, turning the glass in his fingers. "Do what's in my heart, huh?" asked Alec with a broken voice and pushed his lips together. What kind of life would he have if he would happen to cancel the wedding and try having a possible relationship with Magnus?

He would betray his mother's trust with doing that.

He would have to live as an outcast; Magnus was after all just a Downworlder.

But,

"At least I would be happy," he heard himself say, his eyes widening. Alec knew that that was probably just the alcohol talking, but the more he spent thinking about it, the more he was sure that cancelling wedding plans was a good idea.

In a hurry, the young Shadowhunter reached for his phone and found Magnus' name among his contacts. He needed to tell him as soon as it was possible. He said so many horrible things to Magnus that day and he needed to apologize; or at least beg him to give him a second chance. Even though it was already pretty late, he knew that Magnus was probably still up, so because of this, he sent a text saying: _'Magnus, you were right… you were right about everything.'_

As he waited for a reply, he poured himself another glass of whiskey. In the end, Alec was quite surprised that he received a text from Magnus in the next few moments.

' _ **Hello, Alexander. Shouldn't you be preparing for you upcoming nuptials tomorrow? Good night.'**_

Alec felt guilt clawing in his chest and he bit his lower lip. Magnus had every right to talk to him like that; after all, he did practically accuse him of leading him on, even though he knew that Magnus' feelings for him were real. With that on his mind, Alec pressed the reply button and send a reply.

' _No Magnus, please wait… I am sorry for being an idiot earlier, so can we talk?'_

' _ **What is there to talk about?'**_

' _I don't think I'll be able to go through it after all. I'll call the wedding off first thing in the morning.'_

' _ **Are you sure? You're really going to do that? Why?'**_

Alec gripped his phone tighter, his heart pounding hard against his rib cage and even though he was drunk just a moment ago, he could've sworn that talking with Magnus did sober him up enough to carry out such an important conversation. On the other hand, he knew that he would never be able to confront the other like this if he was completely sober. With his trembling fingers, Alec pressed the reply button and his heart only started thumping harder when he wrote his next reply.

' _Because I can't be with Lydia when there's someone else that I already have feelings for. As you said, it wouldn't be fair.'_

' _ **Are you sober right now? You're drunk.'**_

' _I've had a couple of drinks, but I mean what I said.'_

' _Magnus? Please say something.'_

' _ **I don't know what to say. I'm never going to be someone your kind approve of. I'm never going to be able to be the kind of partner you need. Sadly, I don't even know how seriously I can take you right now.'**_

After reading Magnus' reply, Alec's heart fell to the pit of his stomach and he chewed on his lower lip. "It's my fault," he whispered to himself. Of course it was his fault; he said all of those horrible things to the Warlock, so he shouldn't be too surprised with the reply that he got. However, he wasn't ready to let it go that easily this time.

' _I don't care about getting approval from others, my parents that is. I've listened to them long enough and look where it brought me. I've done some thinking and… I want to be with you, to get to know you better. I promise that I won't change my mind over night, so give me another chance… please. Let's meet up tomorrow and… talk?'_

' _ **I… Okay. If in the morning you still want to go through with cancelling your wedding, then yeah.'**_

"Thank God… there's still a chance," whispered Alec to the phone and felt weight lifting off of his chest. After a long time, a smile came upon his face and he then closed his eyes for a few moments. When he opened his eyes, he typed back the only thing that he could really say.

' _Thank you.'_

' _ **Go to sleep now, Alec. It's late.'**_

' _Did I wake you up?'_

' _ **Yes.'**_

' _I'm sorry.'_

' _ **It's okay. But go to sleep now, all right?'**_

' _Yeah, good night, Magnus.'_

' _ **Sleep tight, Alexander.'**_

When he stopped talking to Magnus, Alec locked his phone and threw himself back onto the bed. After that, he didn't go immediately to sleep; he kept reminding himself what he needed to do tomorrow, because he didn't want to fuck up something. He needed everything to go by smoothly and during somewhere in the middle of that thinking, he drifted into the land of dreams.

"Alec? Alec!" said a voice and something shook Alec's shoulder. He felt far too tired to actually open his eyes, but as the annoying voice wouldn't stop calling for his name, the young Shadowhunter didn't have any other choice but to open his eyes. As he did that, he was welcomed by a splitting headache and he felt sick. He was about to yell on whoever had woken him up, but when he saw his sister sitting down next to him, his anger disappeared into thin air almost immediately and he slowly got up into sitting position, hissing as he did so, because that made his headache only worsen.

"Izzy," he said and yawned. "What are you doing here so early?"

"Early?" asked Isabelle and tilted her head to the side. "It's almost noon."

"Noon?!" snapped Alec. "Shit, there's so many things left to do before wedding and-" he started, but his voice trailed off. Wedding… there was something about the wedding that he needed to remember. He remembered that he was talking to someone about it the last night, but he couldn't recall who the person was.

"What's the matter?" asked Isabelle and when she took a closer look at her older brother, her eyes widened. Alec was even paler than usual and he looked so exhausted that it broke Isabelle's heart. Her chest tightened when she saw the empty bottle laying on the floor next to Alec's bed. "Were you drinking the last night?"

"Yeah," said Alec and ran his fingers through his messy hair. He did remember feeling sorry for himself and he could also remember drinking, but after that… his mind was completely blank. He knew that there was something important missing out.

"Oh Alec," whispered Isabelle, her eyes welling up and she looked away so that Alec wouldn't notice… but he did. She promised to Alec that she was going to support him with his decision on getting married, even though she herself didn't agree with him. But seeing Alec like this was killing her. Without saying anything, she wrapped arms around him and pulled her brother into a tight hug. "Can't you see that this thing is killing you?"

Alec froze at that and he quickly broke the hug; he really didn't want to be having a conversation about that. "I'm completely fine, Izzy," said Alec and managed a smile. "Now can you please wait outside for me, while I get dressed?"

"Sure," she said and even though she smiled, Alec could still see tears in her eyes. She slowly got up and walked outside, closing the door behind her.

When he was finally left alone, he managed to push his emotions away, but they came all rushing back when he unlocked his phone and saw 3 missed calls from Magnus. He grit his teeth, trying to ignore the Warlock's calls, but when he saw the texts, that he didn't remember sending to the other, was when Alec collapsed back onto the floor. His body started shaking as he kept reading through the texts and he swallowed thickly.

"I… I wrote all of this?" he asked himself, his words barely a whisper and he cursed. "I was drunk, so it doesn't count and…" was the excuse that he tried to justify his actions with, but he soon stopped, because he knew that he shouldn't blame the alcohol on that. Seeing from the texts, he saw that Magnus was ready to give him another chance, even though he said all of those horrible things for him. He thought that he had completely ruined their relationship with his own stupidity and used that as an excuse. But now that Magnus was willing to give him another chance… The opportunity was so tempting that he couldn't refuse it.

He had never been so torn between choosing before… Magnus or his family?

His own happiness or clearing his family name?

He should obey the rules, but

It was his life after all…

He firmed a fist with his hand and cursed. Judging by three missed calls from Magnus, the other was already waiting to have that talk with him. "The hell with the rules," he said, because he was completely sick of listening to his mother's every wish and command. In the heat of the moment, Alec took his phone back into his hand and called Lydia, telling her how he really felt. He was expecting her to be mad with him, but instead he only got compassion from her. She said that she feels the same way and after debating about for a few minutes, they came to the conclusion that getting married was a stupid move to do.

"Izzy, come back inside," yelled out Alec after he was done with the call, his whole body still trembling, because he couldn't believe what he did. However, it wasn't a bad feeling at all.

"Yes?" asked Isabelle as she stepped back inside and rolled her eyes. "You're still not dressed?"

"Forget that," said Alec and signed her to come closer. "I have something much more important to ask of you."

"Okay," said Isabelle and came closer to her brother. She could tell that he was preparing to tell her something serious, so she patiently waited and allowed Alec to take his time. It was a rare occasion that Alec would show her the vulnerable side of him, so she waited.

Alec pressed his lips together as he thought of a way to let Isabelle know that the wedding wasn't going to happen. He knew that she was going to be happy about it, but still… "Izzy, I need your opinion," he started and nervously smiled. "What's the best way to break the news to mom and dad that the wedding isn't happening?"

"My advice is that you should-" started Isabelle, but then her eyes widened when she finally fully comprehended Alec's question. "What do you mean by 'the wedding isn't happening'?"

"I can't go through with it, Izzy," said Alec with a small voice and looked at his sister. "I've done a lot of thinking the previous night… I can't live a lie, not with someone that I don't love. We might be Shadowhunters, but we still deserve happiness," he carried on and noticed a smile appearing on Isabelle's face. "Besides, I have Magnus and-"

"Oh thank God," said Isabelle, interrupting her brother, and she then pulled him down into another hug. "I'm so happy that you changed your mind," she continued on, her voice shaking. At that, Alec choked up as well and returned Isabelle a tight hug.

"Will you help me break the news to mom and dad?" he asked, not even trying to hide his fear in front of the other. "I really need you now."

"Of course, Alec," said Isabelle, speaking softly and quickly wiped away her tears when they broke their hug.

"Don't cry," said Alec and pressed a kiss against Isabelle's forehead. "Thank you."

"There's no need to thank me," said Isabelle. "Now then let's go to mom and dad, okay?"

"Yeah."

Magnus didn't get much sleep that night, because his thoughts kept going back and forth; thinking mostly about Alec. He honestly didn't know what to think about the whole situation, because it was pretty obvious that it was just the alcohol talking. But since Magnus was Magnus and didn't want to give up that quickly, he decided to give Alexander one more choice… after all, he had a feeling that in the morning, the other wouldn't even remember texting him in the middle of the night after all.

When the morning finally came, Magnus called Alec… but he didn't get a reply. He came to the conclusion that the other was still asleep and he kept reminding himself not to get too clingy; it was Alec's choice to make and he couldn't really force him into picking the choice that would involve him in his life. Magnus sighed as he kept playing with his phone in his hands, leaning back in his chair. He was nervous; he didn't feel that nervous in a long way. He managed to keep his heart guarded for a long time, but Alec was able to make the wall that he built around it crumble and slowly fall apart. Before Magnus knew it himself, he had already fallen in love… again. His past, Camille, had thought him to know better… falling in love wasn't for him. And yet, he was so foolish that he managed to find someone else, who was a Shadowhunter, on top.

"There's no way that he would actually risk everything for me," said Magnus and sighed. Those were Alec's own words after all.

The whole waiting thing was making him anxious, so he decided to call Alec a couple more times. He didn't know why; he just wanted to hear him… to know how his plans of cancelling the wedding were going. But because he received no reply that time as well, he decided to stop calling him for the time being and just keep himself occupied until the time that Alec would decide to contact him on his own.

Magnus kept himself busy with mixing up some potions and in the end, because there was still no sign of Alec contacting him, the Warlock made himself a drink, like usual, to keep his nerves under control. "What's taking him so long?" he asked himself as he was sitting in the sofa and drinking his drink. "Maybe he changed his mind and he's getting married after all," he continued the conversation with himself.

In the meantime, Alec had just done letting his parents know about his plans, of cancelling the wedding. Alec's dad didn't say anything, because he knew that his son wasn't happy with the choices he was practically forced to make. On the other hand, he didn't give him any comforting words as well… he just left the room. Maryse, however, was beyond furious with Alec's decision. She first accused him of disgracing the family name. Then she said that she was very disappointed in him, even though Alec kept telling her that it was none of her business. After that, Alec stormed from the Institute and headed straight to Magnus' place.

"Magnus!" said Alec with a loud voice.

Magnus' eyes snapped out when he could hear Alec calling for him and he opened the door with one swift movement of his fingers. The Shadowhunter didn't hesitate to step inside of Magnus' lair and headed to the room where he knew that he would find him; the Warlock's living room. His heart was pounding hard and his steps slowed down as he was coming closer to the living room. His eyes widened when he saw Magnus sitting in his usual sofa and with weary steps, he came closer to him.

"Alexander," said Magnus as he saw the other, his own heart beating much faster than usual. A smile came upon Magnus' face when he saw how Alec hesitated walking closer to him, so he stood up and chuckled. "Care for a drink?" he asked playfully and snapped his fingers, a drink appearing in his hand. When he offered it to the other one, Alec politely declined it.

"No, thank you," said Alec. "I've had enough of alcohol the last night."

Magnus' mouth twitched when Alec mentioned the previous night and his smile widened. "I guess you're right," he said and placed the glass onto the table. "You do look a bit paler than usual," he teased and hoped that Alec would finally start talking about the wedding.

"I'm fine," he stated and nervously shifted from one leg to the other, folding his arms on top of his chest. He could see the curious look in Magnus' eyes and he obviously knew what it meant. Alec hated himself for being so awkward when it came to things like relationship and romance. "I'm sorry I was so late. I saw that you called me, but I was still asleep during that time."

"I was afraid that you weren't going to show up," said Magnus after a while and sighed. Alec's eyes found Magnus' at that, but the taller male quickly looked away and waited for Magnus to continue. "But I shouldn't be too surprised, you are a busy man… with responsibilities," he went on by saying. "You are getting _married_ after all today," he added and looked at Alec curiously to see how he was going to react.

Alec's body stiffened up as those words left Magnus' lips and he sent the Warlock a confused look, because he didn't know what the other was talking about. He did promise him that he would cancel the plans for the wedding, so why…? Was he only testing him? Alec was very well aware of the fact that Magnus' eyes were on him and he sighed.

"There's no wedding, Magnus… at least not anymore," muttered Alec and stepped closer to Magnus, stepping so close to him that he could feel the other's breath against his cheek as he kept looking up at him. "I said that I'll cancel the plans, right?"

A huge amount of weight lifted of Magnus' chest as he heard Alec say that and his eyes fluttered shut for a few seconds, before he looked back up at him. "Right," he said and was honestly surprised that Alec kept his promise. "I can't believe it you actually did it. You were drunk yesterday, so I was kind of expect… well, you know."

"Yeah, I know," whispered Alec and let out a hitched breath.

"Will you be alright?" asked Magnus. "I mean with your parents and everything."

"They are beyond furious with me," said Alec.

Magnus sent him a compassionate look and gently squeezed his shoulder. "Don't worry about it," he said. "They will come around, you'll see."

"I hope, but that doesn't really matter now," said Alec and nervously chewed on his lower lip.

Magnus watched with amusement how nervous Alec looked and he couldn't help but to feel a bit guilty for thinking that he looked somehow adorable like that. Alec had finally trusted him enough to show him his vulnerable side. "Then what does matter?" he asked softly, placing his hand onto Alec's cheek and he gently ran his fingertips over it.

"You," said Alec and cleared his throat. "Us."

"I agree, we should talk about us as well," replied Magnus with a smile on his face, his heart fluttering with happiness because he liked the way that conversation was heading to.

"I want to apologize," said Alec, because he still felt guilty about what he said to Magnus. "It wasn't fair of me that I accused you that all of this is a game for you. I didn't mean it… but I shouldn't have said it. You looked so hurt after that, and I-"

"It wasn't a nice thing to say," said Magnus and placed a finger over Alec's mouth, to make him stop talking for the time being. "But apology accepted," he then added. "Alec, I've always assumed that you felt the same way as I do… but what do you really feel for me?" asked Magnus and even though he knew the answer already, he just wanted Alec to confess his feelings for him out loud.

"Deep affection," said Alec slowly, his voice shaking. His eyes fluttered shut as Magnus continued with caressing his cheek, but in the end he opened them again, because he wanted to see Magnus. The way that Magnus was looking at him took Alec's breath away; he look was so full of love and affection that it made it hard to breathe for the young man. "…Love," he then breathed out, making Magnus' eyes widen as well.

Alec's confession took Magnus by surprise. He had always assumed that Alec cared for him, but he had no ideas that he cared so deeply for him. "You're shaking," commented Magnus as he kept looking at the other and he would be lying if he said that he wasn't as well. Alec didn't know what to do, so he just kept staring down at the other, forcing a weak smile on his face.

The Warlock buried his fingers into Alec's hair and then his hand fell behind the other's neck, pulling him closer to himself. "Come here," whispered Magnus and Alec leaned closer, feeling Magnus' breath against his lips. That sent shivers up his spine and just as he was about to say something, Magnus quieted him down with a kiss. It wasn't even a kiss, just a simple touch of their lips, but it was enough to make Alec's knees buckle. "I love you, Alec," said Magnus, his smile never leaving his lips.

Alec didn't say anything. Instead, he placed his fingers under the Magnus' chin and brought his face closer, giving him a proper kiss this time. Magnus moved his lips slowly against Alec's, applying a bit more pressure to the kiss as his arms were wrapped around the taller one's neck. Alec felt so alive as they kissed, adrenaline rushing through his veins. Magnus smiled into the kiss when he noticed that Alec started shivering again in his arms and he then slowly pulled away.

"Make sure you're free tomorrow night," said Magnus after a few moments of silence and Alec's eyes were on him immediately.

"Why?"

"You're taking me out on a date," he announced. "You still owe me that drink, remember?"

"Seems good to me," replied Alec with a smile and leaned down to kiss Magnus again.


End file.
